Sunny August Day

SO it is already August and this summer has not been the greatest.. I am missing the long sunny hot days of summer. It has been cold and rainy . That is very disheartening. I love summer.
All around me is love and happiness. First a good friend had her 2nd son Kyle. I met him for the first time yesterday when I went over to her house and made her and her family dinner and just spent time with her and her 2 boys. And then my sister Karla got engaged.. Which is super exciting. I love planning and I can't wait to help her with all that fun stuff. My boyfriend and I ended up going to dinner with her and her FIANCE'. We went to Sarah's Vineyard in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio. It was a good time. I did drink a little to much wine but that is okay.
Healthy Living: I have recently started doing Zumba 2 times a week.. It is a work out. I am literally pouring sweat by the end of the hour long class. Great cardio workout. I now just need to continue doing it so I can see results. I tend to be very hard on myself and expect to see results immediately. i need to stop beating myself up and just remind myself if  I keep doing this i can only see a benefits.

Just not feeling it lately

Lately I have not been happy with myself. They say a person worst critic is themselves. And that is exactly me. I look in the mirror or put on an outfit and I just begin to break down. I know that I am a beautiful person but sometimes I wish I looked different. I would love to loss some weight. I am overweight and i need to get myself motivated to do something about it . I don't eat terribly. I just need to get moving. And i say this all the time , but i just don't do it.
I was in my cousin's wedding last Saturday and i look at pictures and wish I was slightly smaller. I took pictures with my sister and my face looks huge. I try to read diet plans and workout plans I just give up when something isn't working they way I would like it to .
SO I need to get myself moving. I don't have any numbers goals, just mental goals.. Like feeling better about myself.
So today starts a new day.


~~ M

Summer is here!!! JP is not.

I love this season. The sun, the blue skies, being warm, with that also the humidity the sunburn.... even though as I get older i tend to wear sunblock more often and I am usually more prepared for the heat. 

Last week i had a moment about Julia. I sometimes cannot believe she is not here, and that I am going to wake up from some terrible dream. I wouldn't wish this grieving on my worse enemy .  I can honestly say I usually am the strong one with handling her sudden death. I know she is always with me.  And looking out for me. 

I know loosing someone to addiction is a terrible thing. Sometimes you have to just remember that they are i a better place.. No more demons  they will have to fight in their minds.. All the pain they suffered is gone and they are healthy and beautiful on the other side.  If you want to think the other side is heaven.. or if it is just another world.. it is just the other side. I also have to think she did make this choice in her life and the addiction took the best of her and just couldn't fight it. Even though she was sober for months before her death, that one trigger took over and she had no control at that moment. 

I would have to say my father has probably been the one who has had the hardest time dealing with it. Being afraid that his depression sometimes takes the best of him.. He is not great with grieving with loosing Julia and then my grandfather i have seen the toll it has taken. I haven't had the best relationship with him, we are so much alike that I find myself just butting heads with him. 

SO  with all the grieving our family has endured, my sister Karla and I were informed we have a brother.. that y dad fathered while he was still married to my mother.  We always knew that my dad had cheated on my mom just didn't know a child was a part of that situation. We recently got to meet him. His name is Andrew. He is really nice just haven't done anymore reaching out to him. Not sure where what kind of relationship he would want. 

I love when people reach out to me to tell me that my family is in there thoughts and prayers.. It does make me feel better. Because with every thought of Julia i know it keeps her alive.

~Maria

 

Fashion Friday........

I sometimes like to think I am a fashionista. 
I love fashion and all sorts of stuff that goes along with fashion. But I am also cheap.. so I like to be fashionable in bargain sense.. So I found cute shirts from a discount dollar store and I am loving them I am wearing one of them today. And the amount of compliments I have gotten on it is awesome. Who says you have to spend a lot of money to look cute. 
I also find it hard to want to get up early enough to look the part of a fashionista. Luckily I felt that way this morning. 
Recently, I have also had an urge that I wanted to change my hair, just a little. My hair appointment isn't until February 8th but I wanted something right now. SO I have cut my own bangs, and if I say so myself, they look adorbs. 
So keeping my eyes open for more great deals and spur of the moment ideas. Usually they don't turn out all bad. 

Maria 

Always with me

  October 1, 2012 was one of the worse days of my life. My baby sister Julia died tragically of a drug overdose. Sadly Heroine was her drug of choice. In some ways I am so sad I wont have my sister Julia with me to possibly be an aunt to any children I have or to just grow old with me and my other sister Karla. My sisters and I have always been very close and her passing was very hard on both of us (Karla and myself) .
 
 I have always thought I had some sort of a "sixth" sense to the super natural world and the spirit world. I know mediums have told me i have a keen sense of others around me. And I have always thought it was something. With all of that, I feel Julia's presence with me all the time. And others have confirmed her trying to get in touch with our family and being very apologetic for what she says "messing up". I have forgiven her a long time ago. And she shouldn't have to worry about this in her second life.
 
 She has truly touched some many people. Always in my thoughts Jules.

Lots of Love,
     Maria

Me, Julia, & Karla

June 2008